I remember this specific point in my life when I felt an intense sense of desperation and frustration. I was having constant quarrels with my partner at the time and it seemed that whatever I said was not understood. I felt suffocated and angry. There was something I wanted from my partner and he wouldn’t give it to me. He needed more freedom while I demanded more closeness and stability. Each of us was trying to make a point and we both knew what the other is saying but neither of us was able to truly let go of our need. It was a dead end. This is not what I wanted, I told myself. I had waited for happiness and ended up in a relationship where I couldn’t manage myself, couldn’t express myself, a space where I couldn’t be seen. Adding to my frustration was the knowledge that my partner at the time was not wrong. He just couldn’t give me what I needed. All this in mind, I couldn’t leave him. When I tried, he wouldn’t let me go. When he tried, I would cling to him.
I directed my rage at the Unseen . Tell me why, I demanded. Why can’t I just be happy? Tell me what to do. I specifically remember the deafening silence. The hope of a glimpse of meaning was drowned by the lack of response.
Years later, my answer came. I had to wait. In the waiting space, we traveled to a new country together. We faced new challenges and we both grew in different directions. We parted ways but we found ourselves.
I now see him as one of the important people in my life that has helped me walk towards my path and eventually set myself on it. The people we not so randomly meet on the road have meaningful roles in our aligning with our path.
The waiting space that often seemed devoid of meaning was so very precious as it allowed for the exact time I needed to know myself and open up to all the beauty of life.
If you find yourself in a tough spot in your life, you might want to reflect whether you are in the waiting space that allows you to see where to head forward. In the waiting space, we are sometimes confronted with an uncomfortable choice that we avoid making or with seeing an untruth that we refuse to accept. The waiting space allows us to deal with our fears inviting us to take the next step on our path to a more fulfilling and purposeful experience of life.
To end with, here’s a short piece of writing by my dear friend Sara Winick (find Sara @ sarawinickdotcom on Instagram):
Patience is a virtue, I believe it to be true, there’s really nothing to rush for, you’ll get it when it’s brewed. So carry on and go about the things you like to do, don’t worry ’bout the timing, God knows when you are due.