What Stops Me.

Sand wall

Let the irritating sands of difficulties become the cause of pearls of wisdom.

I have this little book called Raindrops. It’s green with blue and purple and it’s written in cursive. Since it’s raining outside I thought it’s a good time to open it up and the quote above caught my eye.

This quote made me think of myself and of how fear manages to have its way in my life. The “irritating sands” are oftentimes only fear-based projections. These strangely alluring chimeras that observe us from a distance reminding us of threatening outcomes. Oddly-shaped illusions holding us back from whatever greater purpose we wish to pursue.

On a personal level, the theme at the end of last year that has continued into the new year is the recognition of how I’m undermining myself or my abilities at different stages in my life.  What stands out is a sense of self-belittling and a dismissal of the potential to grow in different directions.

How I deal with feeling that moments may have been lost and opportunities wasted is through acceptance, compassion and trust. I accept that although in hindsight I could have done more, I actually did my best at specific points in time. I understand that whatever may have stopped me from doing more was overpowering my desire to move forward. I trust there is a divine timing, a sacred space for everything to manifest and fall into place.

By going through this mental process to let go of feeling disappointed with myself, I allow my awareness to expand in the direction of growth now, as opposed to being stuck on what I could have done then. In this process of allowing, I can find the small and precious pearls of wisdom.

You walk through the desert and reach a great, impenetrable wall that extends upwards and sideways.  What do you do?

Just like the impenetrable wall in the desert, fear gets in our way in novel ways that we can rarely predict.

What do we choose to do once we encounter this hardened barrier? A good starting point is to question its validity. Is this impassable wall real? Is my fear warranted? Is there something really stopping me?

After writing this, I realise that perhaps the only battle we ever have to win during our transient life is vanquishing our own perceived wall of difficulties. Maybe the sole thing we’ve come here to do is to grab our chimera by its horns and expose it for what it truly is: an illusion.