It feels so good to be back at my writing desk again.
In the past few months I’ve been piling pieces of writing as drafts without feeling confident to publish any of them.
This break has given me the chance to ask myself why I even put these thoughts out there. Isn’t the web supersaturated with blogs and people who have figured something out that you must know about? Isn’t it all just meaningless cyber clutter?
Since this blog speaks about paths and searching for the one that feels “right”, I wondered what its own path is.
I am so grateful that now, unlike some years back, whenever I ask a question, I am almost always able to hear an answer. I think everyone can, given that we take the time to listen and trust the guidance that may come in the form of a thought, a feeling or an exterior stimulus.
I’ve recently been browsing through some old photos and there I was, smiling in each and every one, trying hard to fit in. But in each of those contexts, without minimising the wonderful moments I’ve been blessed to be a part of, there was a degree of discomfort. It had nothing to do with anyone but myself.
I was living my life with a constant and nagging sense of dissatisfaction. Even while being socially engaged, a myriad of thoughts extended like stubborn tentacles in different directions, not allowing me to be fully happy and present.
A great part was played by my own insecurities and need of acknowledgement from others. To say the least, it was draining. I still managed to be myself and had a sincere wish to be comfortable, but it felt as if my core was scattered, trying to put itself together, moment by moment. Yet, each moment was missing a piece and a part of me, instead of being present, was somewhere out there looking for that missing chunk.
Life is so much more different now. Which brings me to why I created this space of sharing experiences and its path.
As time went by, I took huge leaps trying to pull myself together and feel whole. Things started to slowly, yet drastically change. I’m now living the life I’ve always envisioned. If we meet and chat, I may not be able to share sensational exterior accomplishments as there weren’t any. However, what has changed is how I feel. I feel whole.
From this space of feeling good with myself and with life on a daily basis, I interact with my external environment in ways that are totally different than before, when I was constantly half-disengaged and insecure.
There is a staunch difference between how life felt before and how it feels now. This blog is all about that transformation that led me to where I am today. I don’t want to forget that there was a time when I lived with doubt, fear and lots of questions.
When I lost hope that we can be fully happy as adults, I was blessed with the right people and right resources to inspire me and to show me there is a way. The path of this blog is to pass on that message of hope and wholeness.